Faux Mother

Talking to my friend the other day I coined a new phrase: "faux mother", you know, like "faux leather." Really, I can be quite creative, if I do say so myself, and this term would be amusing if I were not using it to describe myself. Definition, please?

faux-mother [foh muhth-er]

-noun

a female parent who is just waiting for the skills of organization, ingenious discipline techniques, and savvy decorating ideas to suddenly come to surface without much effort on her part and one who doesn't pretend to have or desire such skills

see also, plother as in "play mother"

This realization came to me as my friend was informing me that she was off to can pears that day from fruit that had been harvested from her own trees. You know, the exact thing my own mom used to do when I was little. The smell of homemade pearsauce simmering in my kitchen is something my children will never experience, I am sad to say. Neither will they know the feeling of putting on an original Halloween costume made just for them.

But, in my attempt to become closer to my own ideal concept of a "real mom" I have enlisted the help of a new kid-friendly schedule and an old-fashioned alarm clock. The moment I became a mother (or more realistically, the moment I was put on bed rest while pregnant with Alex) the alarm clock has become a mere decoration on my nightstand. But at the beginning of this school year and in commemoration of the fact that I now have a kid in school, I actually set it to wake me up at the wicked hour of 7:00 am. (And it's really earlier than that because I always set my clock ahead at least 10-15 minutes.) And there's really no reason to wake up that early because Alex is in afternoon kindergarten and the kids don't wake up until 8:30. So, by the time they're up I am showered and dressed and even have some alone time in the morning so I can face them fresh and ready! (Not a new concept for the born-to-be-mothers out there, but an epiphany for me.) Cory thought it would only last for 3 days, tops, but I've been doing it for 2 weeks now -- only one more week to go until it's a habit. (3 consecutive weeks or 21 days make for a habit, so says my own far-from-faux mom.) Now if I fit exercising and scripture reading into this whole equation it would be perfect. But you know what they say about running faster than you can walk....

I'll keep you posted on the more advanced skills of sewing, canning, and freezing. But in the meantime I'll stick to what I know -- singing silly songs, reading bedtime stories, and just plain wingin' it.